Killer Instinct
by Liv of life
Summary: The morning after Sirius told Snape. Sirius tells James why he did it and reveals that it's difficult to live calmly when the wrong wishes are granted. CH.8. UPDATED
1. Chapter One Sirius

_**Killer Instinct**_

It was dead. All of it. Dead. Winter was like that, it destroyed things, covered them up with that bleak white shield of unfeeling snow. It snowed so fast these days you couldn't even see the blood. Sirius wondered if he lay down in it for long enough it would all eventually just cover him up and take him away, he was born in winter after all. Winter baby... he belonged under all that snow. It's what he deserved.

"Shit." Sirius stubbed his cigarette out on the ground and glared at the dirty mark it created against the white. Looking around he realised that the sun was almost completely up, come to melt the snow no doubt, to destroy any hope he had of burying himself. A small breeze sniffed through his clothing causing him to shiver and viciously stuff his hands into his jacket pockets. Sirius almost wished he could cry, he hadn't cried or wanted to since he was four years old but now... his bitter laugh carried through the crisp morning air killing any bright thoughts. That's right, killing.

James watched his friend for a while after seeing him stamp on his cigarette before approaching.

"Sirius?"

Sirius' shoulders hunched slightly but he didn't turn

"What?"

"Come on, come inside, you're stressing me out standing out here."

Sirius sighed and turned his head to look at his best friend, if that's what he still was.

"It's okay Sirius."

Sirius smiled edgily and shook his head,

"It's not. You hate me."

James frowned, "Don't be stupid, of course I don't."

Sirius snorted and looked over at the Forbidden Forest where the very top tip of the sun was peeking over.

"The sun's almost as harsh as the snow."

James didn't respond immediately but Sirius didn't expect him to, he probably wouldn't understand what he meant.

"I don't know what to say."

"Just say what's on your mind James."

James sniffed, his nose running from the cold, "Why'd you do it Padfoot?"

Sirius turned to face him, his eyes almost dead "Don't call me that."

"Why the fuck not?!"

Sirius laughed at James, laughed in his face and tried not to feel the anger again "Because it's time we fucking well grew up!"

James' eyes widened "Grew up? Are you out of your mind? Do you even remember what you did?"

Sirius laughed again, quieter this time, "Course I do... Why'd I do it you ask?" Sirius glared at James waiting for him to yell or punch him or do anything, but he didn't.

"Because I felt like it James! I felt like it! What's the point in being alive if you can't be honest hey?" Sirius grinned and threw his arms out to embrace the air, spinning, trying to fill himself with as much of the cold as possible.

"I feel like shit, like I've lost all my mates but at the same time I feel fucking brilliant. I feel like I should die in this huge cloud of fantastic fucked-up snow!" he turned his flushed face to James, panting from his spin, "You know, I don't regret it, I figure he isn't real anyway. Nothing that bloody amusing could be real."

James had taken a few steps away, "Amusing? Snape?"

"No you daft bugger! Remus! He's a fucking werewolf! It's so ridiculous! He doesn't even act like one! I was just trying to make us grow up. He's supposed to be a werewolf, why doesn't he be one then? Why don't we all be what we're meant to be?!" Sirius could feel the back of his neck aching and his eyes trying to crawl down his throat

"I don't know what the hell you mean Sirius."

"I mean! I mean I did it because it was the right thing to do! What else? He asked me James! The bastard asked me." Sirius stumbled forward clutching at James' jumper "That's why I told him, 'cause he asked. Nothing else. He's a werewolf and that's true. And you're a Potter and Peter's a half blood and I'm a Black and that's all true, so why isn't it true?! Why isn't he a werewolf? Why aren't I a Black? Huh?! I don't get it! I don't..." Sirius' breathing was becoming panting "...I was just angry. So... fucking... angry..." His neck ache was pouring out through his eyes as they crawled down his throat choking him.

"Sometimes James I just.... I just wanna...kill everything...make it all dead... all better..." Sirius noticed James' face,

"...you're crying..."

"So are you."

"I'm not."

"Yes you are."

Sirius let go of James' collar and swiped at his own face, his hand came away damp. Looking at his hand dazedly, Sirius didn't notice James dragging him into a rough hug and pulling him away from the snow and to the castle. He'd cried, he'd wished he could and he had. His prayer for tears had been answered.

"I must have a pretty fucked-up guardian angel."

James' hold on him tightened as he led him through the castle doors,

"I know Sirius. I think we all do."

_**Author's Note:**_

_Heya readers! I'm not sure if I'll leave this as a one shot or not, I'm thinking I might carry it on, depending on the response I get... actually I probably will if not to just help explain Sirius a little better. This is a story of sad souls ): Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it, drop me a line/review or something if you did- I'd appreciate it (: help give me the motivation to keep it going. Thanks for reading! _


	2. Chapter Two Remus

When you're scrawny and it's cold it feels like millions of miniature knives are pricking you, right through to your soul. When your best friend betrays you and you didn't expect it, it feels like one giant knife has gutted you with one quick stab and a twist, leaving your entrails to slowly seep out of the wound.

Remus almost found himself wishing he could see blood on the snow outside, just so there was some physical thing to remind him just why he should hate one of the only people he'd ever felt warm at winter with. The school nurse had hidden his scars.

Maybe if he was dead it would be better…

Remus laughed harshly out at the empty rising sun- of course it would bloody well be better, if he'd never existed it would be better… He didn't have the courage to kill himself though, maybe he should just ask Snape to do it for him, he was probably more than willing.

Peter crept over to the window seat and tentatively put his hand on Remus' shoulder. It was so cold, like touching stone.

"Are you okay Remus?"

Remus huffed some air out of his nose, looking at the mist formed by the collision of warm and cold air that was made, it was kind of cool- like a dragon.

"Fine."

"Are you sure?"

Remus turned to look Peter in the eye, ignoring his friend's flinch.

"You know what I wish?"

"What?"

"I wish I was a were-dragon, at least then I could fly."

"Oh Remus, I'm so sorry."

"What for?"

"Well… for all the stuff…"

Remus laughed and swung his legs around so he was straddling with one leg out the window.

"It doesn't matter Peter, I don't care."

He couldn't see his guts and blood so it mustn't have been as major as he was making out.

Peter tentatively patted Remus' shoulder. Almost at once though he found his wrist in a terrifying grip and under the gaze of eyes of fury.

"Don't fucking pat me Peter, I'm not a pet."

Peter tried to pull his arm back.

"I'm just trying to be a friend."

"Well don't. There's no such thing as friends. There's just life and death with shit in between."

"Don't say that!"

"Why not? It's true- I found out the hard way, I'm doing you a favour Pettigrew. Take it or leave it, I don't care. Just don't ever touch me again. Stop crying."

No more physical things, they're too real. If there's no blood there shouldn't be anything else. Abruptly Remus let go of Peter's wrist.

"You were crying before though."

"No I wasn't. I was laughing."


	3. Chapter Three Lily

Lily Evans had never particularly cared for the group of so-called marauders. Potter was a prig, Black was a dickhead, Pettigrew was a creep and Lupin was pathetically weak.

Lupin used to give her the shits the most, yeah she'd yell at Potter but only because he was worthy of it, Lupin was so utterly useless she couldn't yell at him, just look on in disgust. He never stood up for what he believed in, he never fought for what he thought was right, he'd hover nervously on the edge of everything, pleading, begging, bowing to his wanker 'mates', he had no self-respect. No, Lily Evans didn't like the marauders at all, and she disliked Lupin the most.

But, Lily reflected, it was kind of hard to completely loathe a guy who was sogging up his transfiguration text with tears while he pretended to write an essay in the library. Lily had never seen a guy cry before, and she realised it was worse than seeing a girl cry. His whole body seemed cracked and his face was getting blotchy (presumably from lack of oxygen). Lily sighed, well, she wouldn't let it be said she was completely hard-hearted.

"Have a tissue Lupin."

It was amazing how quickly you could stop someone crying with four words, only two of which had more than one syllable.

"I have allergies."

Lily quirked an eyebrow at him,

"Don't we all?"

"To dust."

Lupin still hadn't turned to look at her but his fists were clenching alarmingly, Lily frowned

"Look Lupin, I don't know about you, but I prefer to sop up my allergy-induced tears with a tissue over a hard-cover textbook. Anyway, I think you'll find that your transfiguration text won't retain water too well after a while let alone your snot."

Lupin snorted but unclenched his fists and reached for the tissue

"Ta then."

"No worries."

Lily peered at the fake essay _WHY THE FUCK AM I SO FUCKING PATHETIC FUCK I HATE THIS SHIT I HATE BEING THE FUCK-BOY FUCK ME FUCKING USELESS FUCK I AM AN IDIOT FUCKING _

eff eff eff eff eff…….

Wow, Lily thought, so Lupin does have a clue…. That's gotta be bad for the confidence.

"Allergic to your mates hey?"

"Fuck of Evans."

"Fine."

And Lily left, but not before dumping the rest of her tissues on the table next to him. At the library door she saw Black and Potter coming towards the entrance, presumably looking for Lupin. She sighed and looked back at him, blowing his nose as quietly as possible into a mangled tissue…. It was coming out in squeaks. She walked back towards him and slapped a chocolate frog down in front of his startled (and puffy) eyes.

"For strength, Lupin."

"What?"

"Ciao."

Whatever happened, Lily didn't want to see a confrontation between three of the dream team, but she thought as she saw Black running towards Lupin, who knocked over his chair in his haste to escape either that or in search for a heavy weapon, she should probably stock up on her tissues and chocolate…. She had a feeling she'd be needing them.


	4. Chapter Four James

The library always smelt. It smelt of old books, mould, damp and oddly enough cow shit. James latched onto the last smell, it was a comforting one, it reminded him of his grandparents dairy (not run by them, naturally) but when he was younger they used to take him to feed the calves and he'd bother the manager trying to catch one of the many cats that stalked the local mouse population.

A flash of red hair passed him, he latched onto that too, trying to ignore how Remus was standing behind a chair gripping it with one hand and his wand with the other. The hair reminded him of Evans. Evans and cowpats, a strange combination but a comforting one all the same… wait a minute… that _is_ Evans.

"Moony."

Fuck, Evans has gone and the cowpat smell has been overridden with a wave of Sirius' expensive aftershave.

"What?"

"Moony." James could hear Sirius' voice break.

"_What?"_

"Fuck Moony."

Remus' eyes flickered over to James "Can't do it without support Sirius?"

Remus glanced over at James again, and in that moment James felt a hand crush his windpipe and drag itself down to his genitals, he raised his hands in a non-threatening gesture

"I'll go okay?"

He backed away a few steps then turned and very slowly made his way towards the exit. People were laughing, quietly, Margaret and Jonathon were making out in the 'lovers' corner', the librarian was slinking quietly towards them with a broom…. Everyone else seemed fine, more than fine, they were well and they were happy. Glancing back he could see that Remus had lowered his wand but if anything it seemed like the worst omen in the world. It felt like James had lost the best friends he'd ever had, it felt like his world was screwed but worse…. An all-over feeling of dread had filled his body, consuming him completely, his joints felt weak and every noise, smell and colour was so precise he thought it might kill him.

Every step he took he could feel himself getting closer to something wrong, closer to something that would destroy everything, and all of this was some huge fucked up warning.

Fuck it Potter! You're being melodramatic! James sighed and tried to shake the awful feeling running through his arms away.

He hadn't heard any explosions, he hadn't heard any calls for Pomfrey or Dumbeldore, everything was, by all appearances fine and time would surely sought everything out that wasn't. Then why did he feel like such shit? He hadn't even done anything wrong.

A sigh suddenly cut through his thoughts.

"Tissue, Potter?"

Evans stood there giving him a critical look, and when he didn't say or do anything, she shoved it into his top pocket.

"You have an allergy like Lupin's I guess."

"Allergy?" James hastily scrubbed his face clean.

"Yeah. Allergy. Although now I think about it, I'd say it could be Karma…"

"Karma?"

"No, llama."

"Oh."

Lily sighed.

"Have a chocolate frog Potter."  
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_**Author's Note:**_

_Never fear Sirius fans, there will be more Sirius soon- as you can see I'm just sort of swinging between different characters at the moment._

_**Question:** _

_Should I include Severus in this story or not bother? I mean, he will be in it mentioned, or in passing etc. But as a full on character like James, Sirius, Lilyetc? I'm still not sure and it would be good/helpful to have some outside opinions._

_**To the Reviewers of Past Chapters:**_

_Thankyou! I hadn't expected people to like this anywhere near as much as they seem to have- obviously it is no longer a one shot, you've inspired me to keep going. I've updated quickly since the last chap to say thankyou. As far as updates go, I'm probably not going to be able to update too regularly or quickly (as regulars will know) because I'm studying acting which is a very exhausting and time consuming course ( I haven't had a holiday since Jan 24th! Oh the horror!), for which, I apologise but it can't be helped. I'm also pursuing the writing of two novels, a Children's novel and one inspired by the dead sea scrolls (v. exciting). Anyway, enough about me._

_**To Samikismet: **Your reviews are so happy-inducing! I'm so glad you like what I've been doing- I hope it keeps up with what you like so much about it (if that makes any sense). I can't believe it's on your fav's list! does happy dance The suspense shall hopefully be cured for you in the following chapter_

_**To Myrna:** I don't know if you're still reading this but if you are- thankyou for your review! You were the first! Sirius will be in need of more huggles soon!_

_**Linker27:** Hey, I hope you're still reading because Sirius will become much more of a focus soon, and there will be a lot more detail on him that I hope you'll like. Thanks for the review!_

_**Emma Barrows:** Hehehehe, well I've updated… don't know if they were all as quick as you would have liked- sorry! Hope you're still enjoying reading it! And thankyou for the 'Whoa' (:_

_**EsScaper:** Hey, yep, by that I meant that Sirius is having difficulty putting everything into his realm of understanding because everything does seem to be hypocritical and does seem to be lying- it's a reflection of how he's feeling about his position in his family, at school, in his world. As for the dead bit, that's more a reflection on his state of mind than a direct purposeful statement- because life would be a lot easier if everything was dead wouldn't it? I suppose it could be taken as a bit of a suicidal thought but that's up to interpretation. If you're still reading- hope you're still enjoying! Thanks for the feedback and questions!_

_**Hydraspit:** Heh, I'm glad Sirius' insane talking appealed to you- hope the fic still is! Thankyou for your encouragement- it's really nice to know that people are enjoying it- thankyou for the reviews!_


	5. Chapter Five Severus

The hospital wing had never particularly appealed to Severus Snape, it was a place you would go to if you were about to die, not if you had a headache, not if you had a broken finger and most definitely not if there was eff all wrong with you.

Shock. What bullshit. He wasn't in shock, he was effing pissed off.

Severus quickly shut his eyes as the door swung open.

"Madam Pomfrey!"

Severus' eyes snapped open, bleeding heck that was shrill, his eyes narrowed as he noticed it was that useless Hufflepuff Eustace- hadn't his balls dropped yet? He was 15 for eff's sake!

"Madam Pomfrey!"

"Shut the eff up Cambridge! She's not here."

Eustace's eyes boggled around to see Severus sitting up in his bed, a foul expression on his face

"But we need her!"

"Well that's awfully nice for you, but she's not effing here."

"Ah fuuuuuck."

"Stop whining, what's wrong?" Severus frowned. Eustace Cambridge had a nasty habit of bobbling his head around when he whined.

"In the library!"

Severus sighed, what a twerp "What about it? Has a bookcase broken a thumb? Or is it a whole effing leg?"

"Huh? No. No. Shit man! We can't move him, we don't know what's wrong."

Severus tore off his sheet covers and picked up his bedside lamp menacingly

"Just tell me what the hell you're talking about useless."

"Sirius Black!"

Severus' blood stopped running, and clung to the walls of his veins like static to carpet.

"What about the fucker?"

"There was all this noise and then Lupin came over to me and said to get Pomfrey and I looked and Black was lying on the ground all unconscious and then Lupin disappeared."

"Lupin disappeared? Where did he go?"

"I dunno."

"Where did he fucking go Cambridge!"

Severus could feel his panic rising steadily from his stomach into his throat.

"I don't know!"

"Fuck." Severus stared at the door, panicking, imagining the werewolf tearing through, intent on one thing…

"Fuck. I'm going to find Dumbledore."

"But what about Black?"

"Who gives a shit?" Severus grabbed up a syringe that was lying next to another patient's bed, their hand reached out weakly to grab it

"I need that!"

Ignoring the patient, and Eustace who was frantically squawking out 'Madam Pomfrey!' again, Severus wrapped his robe around himself and crept out into the corridor. He held the syringe in front of him, even if Lupin was in human form, Severus wasn't risking anything; the guy was still a lycanthrope.

Moving into a run and being careful not to trip and stab himself with the half full needle he tried to ignore the panicked imaginings flashing behind doors and under steps. A glint of an eye there, a flash of movement there, a tail, Lupin in human form running towards him. Holy Fuck! Lupin!

"Snape! Wait!"

Severus felt some urine leak into his underwear and could feel tears creeping up his throat

"You keep away from me!"

With a shaking arm he shoved the syringe out in front of him.

Lupin slowed down to a slow jog but quickly stopped when Severus jabbed towards him with the needle. Lupin lifted his arms very slowly, palms open, Severus could see blood on his right hand.

"Fuck."

Stumbling back from Lupin Severus didn't notice the stair case that he had just raced down,

"Snape!"

As he tripped Lupin lunged at Severus, and it was then that he knew he was going to die, here in this lousy fucking hole of a corridor, he couldn't hold it anymore and for the first time in his life since he was 2 years old, Severus Snape lost control of his bladder.

As Lupin grabbed his arm, Severus swung his other hand around and plunged the syringe into Lupin's neck.

Severus didn't stop to hear the choked noise, but sobbing, he raced away down the corridor not daring to look back until he reached the Headmaster's office.  
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_**A/N:** I just realised I accidentally made Lily give all her tissues to Remus and then miraculously find another one for James- sorry people! I'll work out a way for the incredible tissue mystery to work in a later chapter!_

_**To the Reviewers:**_

_**Emma Barrows:** Hey mate! Glad you're still enjoying it- hope this chappie works for you as well. I haven't had a chance to properly read your fic yet- I've started- I think I left a review about your OC- I liked it! Ciao for now!_

_**Figgy:** Heheheh, the penultimate question! Is it slash? Well, to tell you the truth, I'm not sure yet, it may be in the end, I haven't made any really big decisions about relationships of that kind yet so for the time being I'll say an enigmatic 'perhaps'. I have a slash fic which is H/D which has been relatively popular, if you're interested, it's called Upside Down, Round and Round._

_**Cdkobasiuk:** I'll tell you what, your name is a good memory exercise! Thanks for your review! I stumbled on Lily quite by accident; I really enjoyed writing her (even though there is the appearing tissue mystery). Hope you're still enjoying!_

_**EsScaper:** Woohoo! Still reading! You may have noticed that Severus isn't quite so dark as the others- I wanted to bring a bit more depth to his actions so we could see why he reacts the way he does and that he's not just being an arse. You will probably find out what exactly happened to Sirius in the next chapter and speaking of the Ministry…_


	6. Chapter Six Lily on Star Wars

Bloody hell, thought Lily, this just isn't my day.

After that useless Hufflepuff, Cambridge went screaming down the corridor for Madam Pomfrey blathering something about Black and Lupin, Potter's face went white and clutching her hand had dragged her all the way back to the library, as he went tearing in, she'd noticed Lupin stalking off up the corridor towards Dumbledore's office.

Lily stood. Where could she be of more help? More important, which person would prove to incite the most interesting happening.

She could hear Potter saying

"Padfoot, wake up mate." and decided, that as obviously Black was unconscious nothing much would be happening in there except more tears and she'd given all of her tissues to Lupin and then her spare to Potter so there was nothing much she could do, so, she followed Lupin.

"Oy Lupin!"

In retrospect, Lily decided that it would probably have been a better idea to not follow Lupin at all but rather go to the Great Hall for a ridiculously early dinner.

Lupin's entire body froze and he turned to simply look at her. So, Lily thought, this is what terror is.

"Go. Away Evans. "

"Would you like another chocolate frog?"

Lupin blinked and suddenly he wasn't so scary any more.

"No thanks."

"Because I have a whole heap up at my room."

Lupin turned away from her and continued walking.

"Lupin! Wait!" Lily ran forward and grabbed his arm, which turned out to be what she would normally classify as a 'really, very bad idea'. Seeing his other arm come swinging around, his fist clenched, she gaped like a particularly stupid goldfish before realising that ducking would be a good idea.

"Shit Lupin!"

"Ow fuck!"

Looking up Lily saw that his fist had collided with the particularly hard rock wall of the corridor.

"I hope you're bleeding Lupin." He glanced at her horrified

"Oh fuck Lily, I am so sorry. Are you okay?"

She scowled at him, pleased to see that there was blood on his hand, in fact it was dripping, yuck.

"Fine thanks."

"I am so sorry!"

She yelped and jumped back from his reaching hands

"Don't bloody touch me!"

Lupin for some inexplicable reason looked heartbroken so she explained,

"Your blood will stain my shirt."

Man oh man, thought Lily, what the hell am I supposed to do with him? His hand looks like a squashed squirrel. She sighed,

"Come on, this is ridiculous. Let's get you up to Pomfrey so she can fix your hand and then you can pat my white shirt as much as you like."

Satisfied with his pathetic attempt at a smile, she grasped him by the arm and pulled him back up in the other direction.

As they passed the library, Potter could be heard yelling

"SIRIUS! WAKE UP!"

Lupin frowned, turning a little,

"I hope he's okay."

Lily looked at him incredulously

"Well wouldn't you know?"

He shook his head,

"It was an accident, one minute he was talking to me and then he went flying backwards and hit a bookstand, cracked his head on the floor…. I, I didn't mean to."

Lily raised her eyebrows,

"Keep saying it and one day you might believe it Lupin."

As they reached the corner in the corridor he sniffed and then jolted to a stop, gently removing Lily's hand from his sleeve he turned to her,

"Wait here a sec."

Before she could protest about being bossed around he'd jogged around the corner, rolling her eyes, Lily started to follow anyway

"Snape! Wait!"

What the?

"You keep away from me!"

_What the?_ Since when was Snape scared of _Lupin?_ Lily quickly turned the corner, freezing at what she saw.

Christ's shitty nappies! That was a syringe! Lily saw Snape glance at Lupin's bloody hand which for some reason was in the air.

"Fuck."

Then like it was some sort of corny slow motion version of that shitty scene in Star Wars where Luke Skywalker falls off the catwalk and Darth Vader tells him about the birds and the bees, Snape tripped backwards up the steps and Lupin lunged forwards grabbing him with his bloodied up hand. Then, in a twisted parody of when Lupin had tried to punch her when she grabbed him, Snape's arm swung up and around, plunging the syringe into Lupin's throat.

She saw Lupin collapse onto the steps below him and Snape, running hysterically towards her. It was like one of those bad dreams where there's a demon in your bedroom and you can't move no matter how hard you try, and all Lily could think was; but I don't have any tissues!

.....

_**To the Reviewers:**_

_**Emma Barrows:** Hooray! I'm glad you're still enjoying it! Because you've been such a wonderful reader of all my things- do you have any special requests? for anything? I'd be more than happy to incorporate them, and if I can't I'll make a new story for them. Thanks for all you reviews! Mwah!_

_**Knight Mara: **Nyahahahahaha! Hang scum! Hang! Sorry, I don't know if this chapter was much better as far as ending's go because technically, it's the same one... oopsies! Hopefully, the next one will be nicer for you (: I'm glad you like my characterisations- I must admit- Lily's my favourite, probably because she's not quite as expected as the others? I'm not sure._

_**cdkobasiuk: **(: Sorry for picking (: What does it all stand for/mean? Cool, I was a bit worried about how Snape'd come across. I brought Lily back for you! I was tossing up between her and another character- your review helped me decide- thanks!_

_**N. Beresford:** beams happily Thankyou very much! I tried to do something a bit different to what I normally read. Thanks for reviewing!_


	7. Chapter Seven Sirius wakes up

Sirius woke up to discover a thousand little angry men had moved into his head giving him the world's biggest headache.

It was official he was a dickhead, wanker, arsehole, deserved-to-die-prick.

"Shit."

Creaking his eyes open all he could see were the curtains around his bed and the stone roof above. There was some amount of light coming in so it must have been morning.

"Pad?"

James slipped quietly in between the curtains and peered down at his face.

"How're you feeling?"

"I've fucked it all haven't I?"

James tried to smile at him, it looked painful.

"It's not your fault."

The pain, guilt and stress crunched in his stomach and streamed out through the crook of his arms and legs and collected in his eyelids, fingers and toes.

"How's Remus?"

James' eyes flickered to the side before he tried to smile again

"You should probably get some sleep."

"James?"

"Sleep Sirius."

"What's happened? What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Look I'll go okay?"

"NO!"

Sirius wrenched a shaking arm out from under the blankets and grasped James' sleeve.

"Tell me."

James shifted awkwardly before sitting stiffly on the bed, his back to Sirius

"Moony's at St. Mungo's…."

With that one sentence Sirius felt all air drain from his body into the mattress

"Someone accidentally stabbed him with a syringe that had a monkshood based potion in it, he'll be fine."

"A syringe? Who? James, look at me."

He did turn, looked him straight in the eyes and said,

"It was Snape, people saw him running, he'd pissed himself."

"Moony's alright though?"

James frowned at him

"I don't think I can talk to you about this right now Sirius."

With that, he stood and swept out of the curtained enclosure.

Sirius could feel himself starting to cry again, once he'd begun it seemed he couldn't stop.

"This is normal, he's a werewolf, monkshood is poisonous, it can be fixed, he's fine."

A sob wrenched itself out

"Fuck."

He pulled himself into a sitting position

"Fuck."

Reefing the covers off, and ignoring the pain and dizziness he felt Sirius pulled aside the curtains and rushed to the door of the infirmary into the corridor,

"JAMES! COME BACK! I NEED YOU!"

James didn't come back.

Standing in thecold, emptycorridor in his pyjamas, his voiceechoing back at him,Sirius realised that he was alone.  
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_Hey guys! I didn't get to spend as much time on this chapter as the other ones, I hope it's still up to par and keeps you interested. I'm in the middle of a big production and rehearsals are taking up so much time so updates may take a while longer than expected because I want them to be good for you- I needed to put this one up quickly so I could tell you- it may be revised at a future date as I'm not incredibly happy with it. Anyway, happy readings!_

_Liv_

_**To the Reviewers:**_

_**EsScaper:** Nyahahaahahah! And you thought it wouldn't be poisonous! Well it wasn't… unless injected in a werewolf… There will be Remus in the next chap so we'll see what has happened to him overall then. Hope this chapter was alright!_

_**cdkobasiuk: **Can you write it phonetically for me? Heheh, I know, I love Lily now, she's my favourite to write, I'm not as big on Sirius, prob because he can't be impartial, I hope you enjoyed this last chapter!_

_**SamiKismet:** Yeah, I didn't want to make Snape into an 'I hate Lupin because he's a werewolf' so decided to work more from the perspective of why werewolves aren't well liked. Hehheh, yay for Lily!_

_**Hydraspit:** WOO! I'm on alert! Coo-ul! Thanks! I decided on Lily's POV of Remus because generally the people who sit back and do nothing are the ones that rile me the most and I thought that because she was big on doing 'right' he would be the most frustrating for her. I'm glad you've enjoyed the changing perspectives; I'm finally back to Sirius again, I've been avoiding him because he's difficult to write. I hope you're still enjoying!_


	8. Chapter Eight Remus in Hospital

**UPDATED VERSION:**

Well, thought Remus, it's not every day you wake up in hospital handcuffed to a bed… and thirsting for water like a fish. Hell his throat was sore…Severus… don't think about it. Get the water.

CHINK.

No way. Damn cuffs, all he wanted was a drink.

CHINK CHINK. Remus snorted.

CHINKle bells, CHINKle bells, CHINKle all the way…

"Stop that at once young man! I'm surprised you have the strength after all the purging we've had to do. Now lie back down and don't you dare move." Remus bared his teeth at the retreating nurse. So what? He was a werewolf he could act like one whenever he damn well wanted.

"Oh by the way." Remus quickly shut his mouth- he may be a werewolf but that nurse was pretty.

"Yeah?"

"Ministry blokes here to speak to you." Remus ignored the pointed look at his cuffs.

"Oh yeah?"

"Mmm, they reckon you tried to kill someone."

"I didn't."

"Really?"

"I didn't know."

"Oh… well you're in a bit of trouble."

"No! Really? I thought the cuffs were part of the décor."

"I'll send them in orright?"

"Whatever."

The nurse left again. Remus didn't want to think about what she said, sheets, pillows, door, window, ceiling, water… he groaned- he needed water!

Water water everywhere but not a drop to drink.

I'm siiiinging in the rain, just siiiiiiinging in the rain, what a gloooooorious feeling I'm haaaaappy again!

"ARGH!"

CHINK

Remus threw himself back onto the hard lump pillows. My life, he reflected is a terrible musical soapie- he could see it now: front page of Witch Weekly:

_Werewolf-Boy!   
Hit on West End!  
The story of a boy stupid enough to think he was one of us!  
Masterpiece! Five stars!  
A Laugh every minute! AHAHAHA!_

Well, thought Remus bleakly, at least I know I can do bitter self-pitier properly. He scratched the wet from his eyes with the shoulder of his scratchy pyjamas.

Where the hell was the Ministry? Why were they even bothering? Just put him out of his misery… fuck. Remus felt something lodge in his throat. Fuck, it was possible, god, he was going to die. He almost murdered someone .They were going to kill him. Put him down.

Don't think about it…. How would they do it? Shit… stop thinking… count the cracks… one two threefourfivesixseven…. Silver? Wolfsbane? Stop thinking! Sweaty… starting to sweat…Eightninetenelevendon'twannadietwelvethirteengoingtodiefourteenfifteensixteen… it's too hot, God, it's too hot!

CHINK

"FUCK! SHIT! FUCKING SHIT! Christ! Get me out. I'M FINE! LET ME GO!"

No matter how much he pulled at the cuffs they wouldn't budge.

CHINKCHINKCHINKCHINK

His wrists were hurting, had to get out, going to die, run away, live in Bulgaria, fuck, anywhere, fucking Iceland. Outoutoutout!

There was someone gasping and sobbing, Remus wished they would shut up, he couldn't get out.

CRACK. The bar broke, right hand free. Scrabbling at his left, out! Fucking off!

CHINKCHINKCHINK

Moaning and sobbing now, scared- Shut up!

Someone in here, black business robes, grabbing him- NONONO!

Bite them! Hand over his mouth, can't move, people yelling- dying, going to die- punched in the groin- can't move- flipped over- NO! NO! Screaming so loud! Shut up! Something stinging his arse. Struggle, but can't, all soft, people pulling him around see faces, five. Left hand still stuck, right hand cuffed to ankle, that ankle to bed, other leg too that ankle too, no moving, so heavy, pain gone, blurred, black. No more screaming, lots of breathing.

"Fucking werewolves, we're better off without them."

"I want it out of here gentleman, he bared his teeth at my nurse earlier- it's not safe."

"We know ma'am, we're sorry but the bleeding hearts insist- he's only a minor. We'll have him out soon."

Voices fading… gone.

_Hello hello! Long time no writing! I'm really sorry- complete writers block- you have no idea how long this one took. This fic is turning out to be very dramatic- hope you're still all enjoying! I'm having trouble getting my writing steam back up so any CHALLENGES are more than welcome! Please challenge me! Anything! Any pairing, any genre, any situation! Happy readings!_

Liv

_**To the Beautiful Reviewers:**_

_**KnightMara:** Yay! I'm glad you enjoy the changing POVs- I'm actually thinking of using Peter next- I wasn't intending to but you've inspired me. Hope you enjoyed this last addition!_

_**Emma Barrows:** euh blushes well I've updated… My is sorry! hides Thankyou for continuing to read- you're wonderful!_

_**Cdkobasiuk:** Ah! I see! I thought c and d were part of the one word- coo-ul, now I understand! (: I've fiiiinally written more! Sorry about slowness of update! I'm trying!_

_**EsScaper:** yeah baby! You tell Sirius! As you can see, Remus hasn't died from the poison but as you can see- he's as emotional as ever- huzzah! I'm glad you like him- personally I'm tired of reading him as the effeminate sweet type- he's an angsty teenage boy with more than enough cause to be a wanker I say (:_

_**Hydraspit: **But are you still with me now? Blegh- my dodgy updating style leaves a lot to be desired- I apologise! I'm so happy you thought the last chap was decent- I hope this one is too. And thankyou for the luck with the musical- it went stupidly and ridiculously brilliantly- I was a very happy chappy. Hope you enjoyed this chap!_

_**SamiKismet:** Well I took your advice: thoughts and feelings! How was it? Need more detail? I really appreciate that sort of feedback- lay it on! Sorry about lateness : hope you enjoyed!_


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